Probing Uranus
by ItestedGarrus'Reach
Summary: John Shepard is bored and after a little drinks things heat up with a certain assassin. Rated M for smutty content.


"Probing Uranus"

Shepard hated Mondays. The one day of the week it was mandatory to collect resources. He'd rather get his brain melted by an Ardat-Yakshi than sit in that boring room scanning planets all day. The rest of his crew had some down time and most were at the newly added bar drinking.

"Really commander?" EDI's voice sounded through the ships speakers.

"What? I'm looking for resources"

"This planet is already depleted Commander." EDI's voice sounded irritated.

"Fine! I'll move on to another planet!" He figured if he ran out of resources then he could finish early and go about other business.

_Maybe if I get wasted this won't be so boring…_

With his mind made up he got off his chair and headed down to the bar. As soon as he arrived he was greeted by everyone. He could tell they had been drinking for a while. Jack was sitting by the corner of the bar talking to Donelly who was trying to talk her into showing him the rest of her tattoos. Jacob was talking to some crew members about the previous mission and Garrus was talking with Kelly. To his surprise Miranda was also there. Sitting next to Dr. Chakwas sipping on what looked like a Margarita.

"What can I get for you commander?"

"Just the usual. I'm stuck with scanning duty again and I figured if I had a drink maybe I wouldn't lose my mind down there."

He sat in the corner of the bar sipping on his scotch when Thane sat next to him. He looked…. Bored.

"Hey Thane. What brings you here? Care to join me for a drink?"

The two of them had become very good friends over the course of their mission. Shepard trusted him to watch his back.

"Sure, I don't see the harm in having a drink with you being as there's nothing else for me to do." He replied as he ordered a drink.

"Lucky." Shepard sighed. "I'm stuck on scanning duty and it's driving me mad. I figured I'd get a little trashed and maybe it won't be so boring."

With that said the two of them sat at the bar talking about the last mission. They had just got back from taking down a rogue VI on Luna. Thane was curious about Earth and asked Shepard how it was growing up there. Shepard was reluctant to talk about it.

"Well… it certainly was… interesting. I used to run with a gang and we did all sorts of crazy things just so we could survive. I didn't have parents so I pretty much had to fend for myself. It wasn't that bad though. I got to do what I wanted and I got to experience different things. Good and bad."

"I see…" Thane took a sip of his drink. The way Thane looked at him always sent chills down his spine. He sat there staring at his large onyx eyes for a good 2 minutes. He started to wonder how his large, full lips would feel upon his.

"Is something wrong Commander?" Thane's question snapped him out of his thoughts. Shepard slightly blushed and turned away.

"Err… no…. I was just… I was thinking that I should get back to work now." Shepard stood and scurried back to the probe room in CIC. He felt embarrassed. He had caught himself staring at Thane several times before.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I promised myself I wouldn't let myself have these feelings again. Damn it Shepard! Didn't you learn anything from that incident during Alliance training?_

Shepard sat in front of his console staring at the ceiling for a good five minutes when he heard the hissing of the door. He turned around and saw Thane leaning against the door, a bottle of liquor in his left hand. Shepard motioned for him to come in.

"You left so suddenly I thought I'd stop by and bring you the rest of your bottle. Shepard? Was I wrong in asking you about your childhood? If I touched upon a sensitive subject I apologize." His rough voice sounded concerned.

"Huh? Oh no… no.. I just needed to get this over with so I could…um…go back to my room and read.." Shepard mentally face palmed himself.

_Really? Shepard you're a moron. Go back to your room and read? _

"Must be a very interesting book I take it." Thane chuckled as he placed the bottle on the side of the console. "What is it exactly that you do here anyways? I've noticed you do this every week and by the looks of it you hate it."

"I have to collect resources for the Normandy's weapon's upgrades and such. I launch probes into the planet's surface and it surveys the area. Later on we send a collection team to retrieve the minerals. It's a real drag if you ask me but if I don't do it Miranda will start bitching and lecturing me about the importance of it and blah, blah, blah." Shepard blushed as he heard Thane let out another chuckle.

"You really hate doing it don't you" Thane sat at the corner of the console as he opened the bottle.

"Here, drink this. It'll make your probing more interesting." Thane handed him the bottle. He was curiously looking at the screen. "Do you mind if I give it a try? I'm curious as to how this works."

"Not at all! Be my guest. It's really not that hard. All you do is scan the planet and launch a probe in the areas where you see a rise in the graph." Shepard rolled himself off to the side allowing Thane to stand directly in front of the console. He played around with the controls a bit and then hit the lauch probe button on the panel.

"Launching probe." EDI's voice sounded through the ship's speakers once again.

"Hmm.. I don't see why you hate this so much. It's really not that hard."

"It's not that its hard! It's just so boring and time consuming!" Shepard sounded like a little kid refusing to do a chore.

"Well, I could finish for you while you finish your bottle if you want. I really have nothing else to do. I mean, if it's okay with you." Shepard's face lit up.

"Really? I mean, yeah. Of course. Knock yourself out!" Shepard rolled out of his way again and took a big sip of the scotch in his hands. He definitely didn't mind someone else doing the boring work for him.

Shepard was spinning in his chair looking at the ceiling, the bottle completely empty. A good hour had passed by and Thane was still standing in front of the console. Shepard paused his spinning to stare at the Drell in the room.

"I'm sorry. I just realized you've been standing up this whole time. You want to sit down?" Shepard rolled his chair closer to the console.

"Don't mind if I do. My legs ARE starting to get a little cramped up." Thane replied as he stared at Shepard's clearly intoxicated face. He moved closer to Shepard and as he was starting to get off his chair Thane sat on his lap.

"Thank you Shepard. This is much better. Now I can continue more comfortably."

Shepard's eyebrows arched down as he looked up at the Drell's face.

_What the… Did he just sit on my lap? DID HE JUST SIT ON MY LAP? _

Thane said nothing as he continued his work. Shepard was about to say something when Thane moved his hips in an attempt to make himself more comfortable. The movement rubbed against Shepard manhood and made the words he was about to speak go back into his throat. His bottom felt so soft on his lap.

_Wow… His ass feels so nice… I wonder if the rest of his skin is as soft… Shepard what the hell?_

Thane noticed Shepard's body tense up.

"Does this bother you Shepard? I will move if you desire."

"You can move it around…" Shepard's voice unintentionally lustful, " No!... I mean… No you don't have to move… It… It doesn't bother me."

"Then I shall return to the task in front of me." Thane turned back to the console and slid his bottom across Shepard's lap once again. This time Shepard couldn't help but notice how good it felt when he did that. He stared at the back of the Drell's neck, noticing how different the skin there was from his face and his hands. Shepard started getting aroused at the thought of touching it.

Shepard's thoughts started slipping back to a certain encounter he had with a cadet back when he was in Alliance training. He remembered how soft his lips were against his skin and how 'talented' his hands were. He remembered how much trouble he had gotten into when his commanding officer had walked in while they were in a rather 'compromising' position. Shepard crushed the thought and placed his focus back on the Drell. Too late. He felt how tight his pants had gotten and he started to panic.

_Oh God! Thane is gonna freak the fuck out!_

His eyes quickly focused on the Drell in his lap, shocked to see that he had not moved at all. Instead he leaned into his chest, eyes still glued to the screen. Shepard took it as a sign that the Drell didn't mind either. He was curious to see how far he could take this until the Drell jumped out of his lap and ran in complete and utter disgust.

Shepard wrapped his hands around Thanes waist and pressed his face against his back. He jerked when Thane placed his own hands on his. Slowly the Drell dragged Shepard's hands upward towards his collar bones, untucking his shirt. Shepard felt something wet wrap around his right index finger followed by soft lips running down his hand. Shepard felt a tingle go down his spine.

_Oh God! What am I doing? It must be the alcohol. But…I don't want to stop._

Thane grabbed Shepard's hands and dragged them under his shirt. He could feel the well defined muscles and scaly but surprisingly soft skin on his fingertips. Shepard's hands suddenly took a life of their own. They moved across the assassin's abdomen and chest as if desperately trying to hold on for dear life, his pants feeling tighter with every stroke.

"Mmmm…" The assassin let out a soft moan. Shepard suddenly felt the Drell jump out of his lap. He shut his eyes and mentally slapped himself in the face.

_OH SHIT! HE FREAKED OUT AND NOW HE'S RUNNING OUT OF HERE! I FUCKED UP! I FUCKED UP!_

The Commander's thoughts were silenced when he felt a pair of soft lips on his. He opened his eyes to find a pair of big onyx eyes staring back at him. His blood suddenly rushed to his head and he could feel himself about to bleed through his nose. He opened his mouth and a slippery tongue slipped inside his mouth. Not moving his body he shut his eyes and let the sensation of the tongue in his mouth and the caress on his face wash over him. A few minutes later he felt a pair of hands move down his chest as they unzipped the shirt he was wearing. He couldn't help but open his eyes to see what was going on. The Drell looked up at him and a smirk came across his face. His eyes locking on his as if asking for permission to keep going.

Shepard nodded and let his head drop back on the back rest of his chair. Thane moved his hands up and down the commander's bare torso, feeling his muscles and trailing kisses down from his chest to his belly button. A slight moan escaped him. He began thrusting his hips into Thane's chest. The Drell took this a sign of approval and not a moment too soon he unbuttoned the commander's pants. He placed his hands on the sides of his hips and grabbed the edges of his pants tugging slightly. Shepard followed the cue and lifted his bottom off the chair so that the assassin could pull down the bottom pieces of his clothing.

Shepard could feel Thane's hot breath on his stomach as he pulled down his pants. His hands now clenching the arm rests on his chair in excitement. He suddenly felt the cold air of the room graze his inner thighs. He sat there now fully exposed and aroused. Nothing was happening. He lifted his head and opened his eyes to look down. Thane was just kneeling there in between his legs staring at his throbbing manhood.

"Is… is something wrong?" Shepard voice cracked as he stared at the Drell in confusion.

"No… It's just… You're so…BIG... I never thought that human males would be so well endowed…" Shepard's face turned a bright red.

"If you don't want to you don't have to…" Shepard's words were cut short when he felt a wet tongue slide down his shaft. Suddenly a rush of ecstasy filled his body when soft lips wrapped around his hardened manhood. Up and down they moved sending continuous waves of pleasure through the commander's body. He let out a long moan.

"Oh fuck yes… oh god… yes… suck on it…harder… HARDER…" His pleasure groans only aroused the Drell making him double his efforts.

Shepard was about to peak when Thane suddenly stopped. Frustrated the commander opened his eyes and turned to look at the Drell.

_That fucking asshole! What the fuck! _

The Drell stood up and slowly walked back, a smirk on his face. Shepard stared at him in frustration. As he slowly made his way to the console he started stripping himself of his shirt. He leaned against the console and placed his right thumb in the seam of his pants. With the other one he motioned for Shepard to come to him.

Shepard stood up and walked towards Thane. As he neared him, the Drell stretched out his arms and wrapped them around his neck. He leaned forward and lustfully placed his lips upon the commander's.

"Fuck me Commander…" Thane's raspy voice sounded hungry.

Thane leaned against the console as Shepard ravished him. He kissed his neck and bit his neck over and over. The Drell's moaning only serving to increase the wanting in his groin. Shepard's hand slid down Thane's pants. He took a hold of the Drell's hardened sex and with a smile he looked at his face.

"You're not so bad either."

With that said Shepard unbuttoned the assassin's pants and pulled them down letting them drop to the ground. Both their body's now exposed to the cold air of the room. Shepard couldn't take it anymore and he grabbed Thane by the waist and twirled him around. With a swift movement of his hand he grabbed the Drell's neck and pushed him down on the console. Thane grabbed hold of the edge of the console and braced himself for the Commander. With an intense thrust Shepard entered the Drell, a loud moan escaping his mouth. He thrusted his hips back and forth, entering and exiting the assassins wonderfully round and soft bottom. Each movement bringing him closer and closer to his peak.

The Drell held on the console. His head banging on the screen every time the commander entered him. He bit his lips as the pleasure over came him. He could feel the commander's movements picking up speed and becoming more intense. He sensed his peak was coming. They both tensed their bodies, preparing themselves for sweet release. As Shepard dug his nails into his shoulder's Thane raised his hand in search for of something to hold on to and prepare himself for his own. He pressed his hand on the screen as he emptied himself in satisfaction. They both collapsed to on the ground as they heard EDI's voice on the speakers.

"Probing Uranus."

A/N: This is the first fic I have ever written, ever. So please bear with my less than adequate writing structure and storytelling, practice makes perfect after all. Thanks to ItookAlistairsCherry for editing most of the typos and waiting for me to finish typing the story so I could take her home, as well as driving around town at 3:30 in the morning looking for free WiFi.


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